Journey · Storytime

Butter and Beam – All Aboard

As most bloggers mention, I’ve tossed back and forth for years as to whether or not I should have a blog… “Should I write a blog about this” was somewhat of a lifestyle in itself for a few years. I would hop on and off at stops along the way in life but ultimately, I would never commit.

Yea, you’ve heard that story before. But here is me saying this will be different.

Guys, this is just a lifestyle blog!

HA No. That was a lie. It is NOT what I view as a lifestyle blog – let’s be clear, I don’t intend to tell anyone how to live their life or to have you buy the things I buy, or eat the things I eat, or workout the way I workout (ha – that suggests I workout)….

I simply aim to share how I have made it here, how I continue to move from here, and I hope that it resonates with some of you, and maybe, just maybe, y’all are excited to join me on that journey as we move forward. Of course, first I do have to fill you in on how it really is how I got here, writing this blog, anticipating how it will ultimately be received and waiting with bated breath for the day I get my first comment.

A few years ago, I was just a snot nosed 23 year old, recently graduated from college, and embarking on all that was my new career (read: $30K in student loans, unemployment, and living at home with mom and dad). This brings us to “should I write a blog about this” stop #1. As mentioned, there were a few stops on this journey, it gets even better… trust.

I imagined all of the content I had as a 23 year old:

  • How to safely transition from college town back to suburbia
  • All of the things to NOT say in an interview
  • All of the ways to NOT dress for an interview
  • Crush your next interview without looking like a desperate bum
  • How to continue your active single party life while living at home with your parents
  • How to drink mom and dad’s booze without them asking you to restock (JK but not.. sorry Dad)

Ok I won’t give away all of the ideas, there really are some gems and someday I might just have to go back and write on them all…. I digress – none of that was good, hence why this is my first blog. It was boring. How was I any different? How could that type of lifestyle writing be sustained? what happened when I GOT a job? I wouldn’t have time for a blog when I had a job! I would be off crushing it on the way to C Level Suite! oh the naivety.

But, honestly, none of that seemed interesting enough to me to write a blog. BUT WAIT

5 months after graduation, a failed job, and a new relationship later – I was headed to the Big Apple. Yea the real one, New York City. Naturally, this seemed like the GREATEST opportunity to write a blog – Stop #2 on the “should I write a blog about this” route.

I was moving to the city to be with my boyfriend (we will later find that this was an awful decision “should I write a blog about this” stop #4)

I got a great job (which turned out not to be) as an agency recruiter (“should I write a blog about this stop #4 and about #10-12 if we are being honest)

But the first GREATEST stop that really should have made the blogging happen was my experience in my first apartment – The Craigslist Roommate Chronicles. (Yes, Stop #3) Ask me about it sometime and I will definitely share all of the dirt but again that is not why we are here today…

Stop #4, you guessed it. I got dumped. A month after moving to the city to be with my boyfriend, the “love of my life” (I would later come to find I was just enamored with being in the city, and him having money, and a few other things that I shouldn’t put in writing) – none of that mattered. He dumped me. When I came ALL the way from the Upper East Side over to Williamsburg to spend the afternoon with him, he dumped me.

What. A. Dick. don’t think we won’t come back to stop 4 – it really shaped me. In a huge way. This breakup was earth shattering. and honestly, it really was because I just missed home, and familiarity, and I was scared out of my mind. I was living in New York, no friends, new job (that I hated), my Craigslist roommate – it was just a LOT for little ol’ me who had been so sheltered my whole life. This was the swiftest kick in the ass I have ever received, and for that –  I am thankful. I should take the opportunity to say Thank You. I doubt you would ever read my blog, but in the off chance you ever did, thank you for leaving me so I had to find myself.  You aren’t a real dick (all the time), you just suck a lot – but in the end, all I can do is thank you and wish you the best! so here, BEST!

But unfortunately stops 5-10 all had to do with boring little me. Nothing really eventful happened to me – I know the exact times I thought I should write a blog…and what the content was,

Stop 5 – Rat sitings : on the subway, in the apartment building, dead on the sidwalk

Stop 6 – Shit my candidates say (I was a recruiter, and sometimes candidates say dumb things – we are all human)

Stop 7 – Bar ratings – the best places for what, best beer, best food, best hookup, best site seeing, best people watching – you get the idea

Stop 8 – Sex & The City – except it was just stories my girlfriends told me…. because it wasn’t like I was having any sort of fun. Yes, I was all consumed by said breakup so don’t judge me we have all been there

Stop 9 – “Guy at Bar” – if you save a number in your phone that looks like this, it is the epitome of desperation and you should assess your life choices, a 12 step program

Stops 10-12: My sucky crappy bullshit job (spoiler alert I got fired / quit – still don’t ACTUALLY know the whole story but I am TOTALLY for the better on it but there were about 3 weeks there of 1. BS before the event, 2. the actual event and 3. the unemployed fun that was living in NYC with $1400/month rent and NO INCOME)

But, again, none of it seemed “good enough” which is REALLY why we are here today. Wait for it.

I lived in the city for 2 years, I began a new long distance relationship with my now husband, we dated for 8 months, got engaged, I moved home to be with him, got married a year later, and have now been married for a year. It has been about 4 years since I had my last legitimate stop on the “Should I write a blog about this” route but today it really hit me. Hell yes, I should write a blog about whatever I want.

I am good enough – what I write is good enough – and it is here for me. Yes, this is a public space, but I really don’t need to worry if the content is good enough for anyone else. Of course I hope it is enjoyable and resonates with SOMEONE because I remember on EACH of those stops I wondered “has anyone else ever lived like this before” but realistically, I am doing this for me. Because I can (I am woman and all that).

So today, I’ve reached the destination on the “Should I write a blog about this” journey because, I am writing a blog about THIS, all of this, how I got here, how I am going anywhere else, and all of the fun that lies in between.  and yea, it might not be “good enough” (maybe not for some people), but I guarantee it is good enough for me.

Today, tomorrow, and the next day I will be here with you – sharing the ups and downs and obstacles that I am facing as I start new journeys and begin new commitments. Suffer failures and rejoice in victories. Just wait, I promise it won’t all be stories of yesteryear.

And Butter & Beam? I know you’re wondering, Yea we will get to that. I can’t give away all of my good stuff in one post.

See you soon shnookums






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